the vampires amongst us
on the men who drain women and why women let them
it was three o’clock in the morning and i stood at the corner of the street with my friend. the snow was coming down thick and fast but she wanted to tell me one last thing: that she was free. it had been almost ten years since they had met, what started out as romance transformed into dependence and dependence into something much uglier.
the love was fast and she would shout it from the rooftops then it became quiet and then silent. he moved in with her and with him came more dishes, more garbage and more fights. her home and time became his. her life was at the expense of his. it was love, after all.
he started doing drugs and had no money left over. she found that she was covering the groceries - someone had to.
late at night he would retell stories about how his mother hit him, at least the nights he did come back. she would listen and hold him - someone had to.
one night his best friend called her phone and she rushed to find him getting wheeled into an ambulance after getting into a fight. she took leave from work to watch over him in the hospital - someone had to.
on that snowy night so many years ago she had no energy to even celebrate her emancipation. she just wept for all the years that were taken from her.
the vampire comes in many forms, he is:
the depressed boyfriend who refuses to go to therapy
the adult son who drains his mother of her pension money each month
the on and off again lover who will prey on the latest hours of the night (like a bat)
the one who who will leave a trail of things to be cleaned up because someone will do it
the one who will control her socialisation until all she has left is him
blood is just a symbol for life-force. women who exist in these relations walk around shell-shocked and seem so distant that one feels like they have to be shouted at to wake up.
women have been conditioned to put in effort and to not give up and this can go into overdrive doing everything they can (even sacrificing their own health) to save the relationship in ways that can only be described as catching falling knives.
the question then becomes why?
i think the vampiric relation happens when the man (consciously or subconsciously) figures out that helplessness is rewarded with help - this probably starts with his mother.
the average well adjusted person (regardless of gender) would respond to suffering with attempting to help. so when faced with a problem, women will of course put effort into solving it. however, being conscientious can be extremely dangerous if it isn’t balanced with an understanding that there are hostile actors who will hijack this conditioning and use it for all it’s worth. anyone can fall into this trap but i think its gendered because the patriarchy has taught mothers to spoil their boys and taught women that care can change things.
the story ends in one of two ways: either the woman escapes and finds a new life or she will remain and slowly perish but never be laid to rest.
i met my friend again on the same street last summer. i hadn’t told her i was back yet so bumping into her caught us both off-guard. she had the biggest smile on her face and the wind was blowing through her hair. she told me was doing great.
as cayydences says:
cover image is from Dracula de Tod Browning (1931)
original cayydences video: